Confessions of a Millionaire's Mistress Read online

  I knew he wasn’t angry with me, he was furious at the situation. He knew exactly why this had happened to him and he was planning to stir up a shit storm against the people responsible. Hell hath no fury like Hugh Montgomery!

  A week after the verdict was announced one of the people responsible handed in their resignation and all of a sudden the dots started to add up. I didn’t know what Hugh was planning but I was very glad I wasn’t in the firing line.

  He made plans to visit me, and for the first time I found myself wishing that he wouldn’t. I really needed to clear my head; I felt so out of control when it came to him and I knew that I would bend again to any of his needs or wants. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for whatever the future held, or if I would survive the unknown again.

  The day he was set to arrive I still wasn’t settled. I found myself getting through the day on autopilot until the time came to meet him at his hotel. He wouldn’t arrive until ten that night, and the fact that I was to show up at his hotel that late made me feel like a hired call girl. I had never felt like that before, and I couldn’t help but worry that the hotel staff would make the same assumption.

  At eight that night I arrived at the hotel to settle into the room he had booked us and get some work done before I saw him—the same hotel in which Hugh had first kissed me. I couldn’t help but smile at the memory as I walked across the marble floors to the reception desk.

  The manager was called and I was greeted in the same effusive way as that occasion over twelve months ago.

  ‘Bonjour, Mrs Montgomery. Your suite is ready, and if you need anything please do not hesitate to let me know.’ I didn’t correct him, I just took the swipe cards and headed to the elevator.

  Standing in the empty hotel room I felt a wave of fear wash over me but I didn’t understand why. To preoccupy myself I ran a spa, lit some candles and lay in peace for an hour.

  When I finally got out I found myself struggling to make simple decisions without second-guessing myself. I felt panic building rapidly and knew I had to calm down if I was going to be sane by the time Hugh arrived. It was irrational but the nagging feeling inside me just wouldn’t go away.

  I pulled myself together enough to get dressed. I slipped on my satin baby-doll lingerie, piled my brunette curls into a ponytail and walked into the bedroom to close the blinds.

  I felt like I had performed this routine so many times that it was becoming a ritual. Before I could let my mind go into overdrive I turned on the television, pulled out my laptop and kept myself busy by answering emails while lying on the bed waiting for him.

  Just as calmness began to engulf me, I heard the door to the suite click and I held my breath as Hugh walked into the bedroom. He was dressed in an immaculate business suit and carried his suitcase. The sight of him was utterly captivating.

  He stopped in the doorway and looked straight at me. I felt the fire simmering inside me; I couldn’t think, I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t move. He walked over to me, leaned down over the bed and kissed me softly on the forehead, then on my cheek until finally he knocked the breath from me when our lips connected.

  Knocking my laptop aside he threw his arms around my waist and lifted me from the bed and held me. I felt a rush of emotion take over my body and soul as his hands wrapped around me. I inhaled his cologne and closed my eyes as every memory we had made came flooding back into my mind’s eye. He knew how to calm me, he knew how to make my heart race or stop but more importantly he knew how to make me feel the safest I had ever felt in my life without uttering a word.

  Right at that moment I wasn’t hungry, I wasn’t tired . . . I was numb. He let go of me after kissing me softly and went to have a shower. I sat in the same spot for a few minutes before packing up my laptop. As I heard the water run I was tempted to join him. The one language I knew how to speak was the language of sex, and something twisted inside me, telling me my inner demons would be silenced if I made the first move. I knew that once I made love to him my fears of him leaving me, my fears of everything between us, would disappear. The problem was I knew deep down it was only a bandaid and wouldn’t really fix anything.

  Following our reunion I had gone into this arrangement with my eyes wide shut. I knew where we were destined to end up if his circumstances didn’t change and I was not the kind of person who could settle for being the other woman or even a friend-with-benefits. The biggest problem I struggled with was that even though I knew all of this I had never felt a love like this in my life and I was nowhere near ready to give it all up and return to how things were before. Regardless of what happened, I would never be the same. The ache in my heart told me that it would take something serious to break his spell on me and make me leave him.

  After his shower he came into the room wearing only a towel. I wanted him then and there. I wanted to feel him inside me, to feel the connection we shared. As I looked into his eyes I could see the same uncertainty that resonated within my heart reflected in his eyes.

  Without saying a word he walked over to the bed. I began to move over to give him room but he shot me a look that told me not to move. I sat looking blankly at him; his shoulders squared as he kneeled beside the bed. He took my hand in his and I felt a painfully familiar electric current shoot through me, from my hand to my heart. His silence and the look in his eyes had me on edge. Was he about to end it?

  He looked down at my hand, and I lifted it gently from his grasp and caressed his right cheek, tracing lines from his ear to the tip of his chin. He pushed his head into my hand, wrapped his arm around me and pulled me towards him.

  I raised myself to my knees on the bed, folding my legs beneath me. With my free hand I ran my fingertips through his hair. He pulled me closer by wrapping his left arm tighter around my waist, resting his head in my lap. My hands stilled in their place as he kissed my wrist hesitantly.

  I didn’t understand what he was doing, but as I sat there staring at him in a haze of confusion I knew at that very moment it was exactly what he needed. I bent down and kissed his forehead. I placed my hands on either side of his face and lifted his head so I could look him in the eye.

  ‘Do you love me?’ he whispered.

  I struggled to breathe. My heart screamed yes but my mouth wouldn’t comply.

  ‘I’ve never been more afraid of losing you,’ he continued softly. ‘I couldn’t cope if you walked out again, so I’ve put the house on the market. The process is going to take a while but I need you to be patient with me . . . just don’t leave me,’ he finished with tears in his eyes.

  I sat there stunned, every muscle in my body failing me. I didn’t know what was happening. I felt trapped, I couldn’t move. I loved him more than life itself, I wanted him more than I had ever wanted anyone or anything—and yet I couldn’t say a word. My head screamed at me. Wasn’t this what I wanted?

  I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and surrendered to everything I was afraid of. Relief and panic washed over me as I opened my mouth, unsure of what I was going to say but knowing full well that it would make or break us.

  #EighteenthConfession

  #COAMMPlaylist

  ‘End of the Road’

  Boyz II Men

  ‘Hugh, I couldn’t leave you if I tried—and trust me, I have tried. It hurts too much. I want to be with you, but you’re going to have to be patient with me too. I’ve never had to do this before, I don’t know how to navigate this minefield and I’m going to make mistakes. If this is going to work I need to know you are here with me. Honestly, my heart can’t take any more.’

  He looked straight through me. His eyes were filled with sorrow; something inside him had broken. I returned his gaze, looking directly into his deep, dark eyes, and I suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to protect him. He was hurting and I didn’t know how to stop it. His pain was stemming from me, but I wasn’t prepared to lay all my cards on the table and tell him how much I really loved him. I couldn’t—if I gave in I would become more vulnerable than I had e
ver been and I wasn’t prepared to let that happen. We had been seeing each other for almost two years and yet I still couldn’t trust that it was real.

  He took my hands in his and kissed them softly, then exhaled deeply before pulling away. He stood and walked out of the bedroom, leaving me kneeling on the edge of the bed, frozen. I wasn’t sure what had just happened, but I felt like I had just been slapped in the face. I was torn—if I told him I loved him, it would cause me more emotional damage than I cared to admit, but if I didn’t say it, what was I risking? As I heard the bathroom door click I turned to look to the spot he had left, whispering, ‘I love you, Hugh, more than you will ever know,’ as a single tear ran down my cheek.

  After fifteen minutes of sitting in the same position I climbed off the bed and did the only thing that seemed to make sense: I grabbed my bag and started to pack.

  I pulled out my skinny jeans and white blouse. I laid them on the bed and finished packing up my laptop. I knew that I had to make a choice. If I stayed I wouldn’t be true to myself, but if I left I would be completely unhappy. I was stuck between the ultimate rock and hard place.

  As I reached for my jeans I noticed a folded piece of paper on the floor next to the bed. I picked it up and unfolded it, and saw a note in Hugh’s handwriting. It contained a number of different business scribbles, but what stood out was at the bottom of the page, it had been traced over and over again: Discuss with the lawyers terms of divorce after talking with Ava.

  I almost dropped the note. Part of me wanted to tear it up and walk out because I was so angry and I didn’t know why, another part of me wanted to wipe it from my mind and put it back where it was, but the strongest part of me wanted to walk into the bathroom and wrap my arms around him.

  I put the note back in its place and stood staring at it for what seemed like hours. Then, I made my decision. No matter how hard, I had to allow myself to be selfish. I began to dress.

  Just as I started to put on my jeans Hugh entered the room. He took one look at me and ran straight over, yanking my jeans from my hands.

  ‘Not again, Ava. I’m not letting you leave again. You have to stop running.’ He pulled me closer and I felt every muscle in my body fighting his hold on me. I tried with all my might to push him away but it wasn’t possible. I couldn’t move.

  ‘Hugh, I’m damaged goods. You need someone who can give you everything you need, you deserve better . . . I can’t be what you need!’ I yelled at him. I was so frustrated from fighting everything inside me that yearned to embrace the man who had caught my heart.

  ‘Ava, you are everything I need, you are everything I want,’ he whispered. ‘No one else compares to you. I can wait for a lifetime, for an eternity . . . whatever it takes. I’m here . . . I’m not going anywhere. I promised you I would never push your boundaries, and I will never break that promise—I wish you could trust that.’

  I surrendered to his soothing voice and gave up struggling against his hold. Eventually he let go of me, reluctantly. I stood, too afraid to speak.

  He walked around the room turning off all the lights, then picked me up and placed me gently in bed and pulled the covers up. He turned the television on and put the remote in my hand. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t think.

  He walked over to the desk and turned on his laptop. As he settled in to his work I looked over at this handsome figure, this man who so obviously cared about me. It was as though I had forsaken one heartbreak for another: I could finally open up physically but now I couldn’t open up emotionally.

  After what must have been a few hours I woke to feel the weight of him as he got into bed. He lay on his stomach, and within minutes the change in his breathing told me he had fallen asleep. I rolled onto my side to look at him, but he was facing away from me. The distance between us was excruciating, but I didn’t know what to do. I ran my fingers along his back and kissed his shoulder before whispering, ‘I love you, forever and always . . . with all my heart.’

  Just as I started to drift off Hugh grabbed my arm and pulled me over to him. He wrapped his arms around my stomach, kissing my shoulder as I lay on my side. He squeezed me tighter, whispering in my ear. ‘I will never hurt you intentionally, please just trust me,’ before he fell asleep again.

  I don’t know if he heard my admission—we have never spoken of it—but I do know I had never felt so safe in my life.

  At about one in the morning I woke and couldn’t get back to sleep. I rolled over and began to kiss Hugh lightly on the shoulder as I ran my fingers down his chest and stomach. I could feel his body stir next to mine and I knew what was going to happen next. He pulled me closer with his eyes still closed and I felt the familiar burning electricity in his touch.

  I began to giggle because I knew what I was doing to him while he was still half-asleep. I kissed him again on his neck—and then all hell broke loose. He opened his eyes, and the intense look of lust took over my soul as his gaze burned into mine. He wanted me as much as I wanted him. With one swift movement he climbed on top of me and began to kiss my neck as his hands explored every inch of my body. His hand moved towards my thigh and I felt my body squirm, my back arching towards him as I yearned for more. He lifted my nightgown above my head and took off my G-string. He started to kiss me from my stomach to my chest and back up to my neck. My flesh was on fire. I was dying for him to enter me.

  He lifted me with one hand under my lower back and slid inside me while kissing me passionately. Our breaths quickened in sync and I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me. I felt every inch of him take over my body, mind and soul, and I wasn’t afraid.

  I cried out in ecstasy as he sped up his pace, sucking my nipples and nibbling my collarbone as my body moved with his, feeling every movement intensely. Something inside me was letting go of everything I was afraid of.

  I manoeuvred my way onto his lap and kissed him ferociously, moving slowly but passionately with him. I could feel every part of my body letting him take me without argument. After an hour we climaxed together, drenched in sweat, and collapsed in each other’s arms.

  I was utterly blissful. I didn’t know what consequences lay ahead the next day once I had left him, but at that moment I didn’t care. For once I had done exactly what I wanted to and nothing had stopped me.

  I fell asleep in his arms again with the feeling of pure satisfaction resonating within my heart.

  #NineteenthConfession

  #COAMMPlaylist

  ‘Be’

  Jessica Simpson

  When I woke the next morning tightly wrapped in Hugh’s arms I didn’t find myself questioning or regretting my decisions from the night before; instead I found myself embracing them. As always, though, that didn’t last long. My heart sank the moment I realised that I had to leave.

  I buried my head in my pillow and took a deep, stifled breath before turning to look at the sleeping man beside me. He looked so peaceful. He must have felt me looking at him because he slowly opened his eyes and caught my gaze. I found myself looking closer than I had before. For the first time in over a year I saw Hugh for the person he was: just as broken as me. We lay there for what felt like forever, searching each other’s souls, and then I rolled over and tucked myself into the all-too-familiar nook between his shoulder and chest. I thought he would wrap his arm around me but instead he pushed me away. I felt the rejection instantly and I rolled over and searched his face for an answer of some kind, something that would give me a clue as to what he was thinking.

  He held me at arm’s length and looked straight at me, his gaze unfathomable.

  ‘Ava, this back and forth is driving me crazy. I want to get closer to you but every time I try to I feel like you push me away. You know that if my business wasn’t based interstate I would move here in a heartbeat, but I can’t. So, I want to ask you something,’ he said with a tender touch in his voice.

  I gulped. As much as I had learned to trust him, there was still a feeling of uncertainty, which had bee
n steadily growing within me. I didn’t know what he could expect from me—after all, he was married—and I couldn’t see a logical future with him unless his circumstances changed. Then I remembered the note I had found the night before. We hadn’t spoken about it and I wasn’t in any rush to.

  He raised himself on his elbow and continued. ‘Ava, I want to see more of you, I want to really try this . . . I want you to move interstate and into the city. I want to be closer to you so I can see you whenever I want—whenever we want—and so we can give this a real go. It’s not like you can’t do your work there. I’ll set you up, I’ll buy you an apartment and I’ll make sure that everything you ever need or want will be taken care of. What do you think?’

  I felt the flush of warmth on my skin as I tried not to panic. This wasn’t the way this was supposed to go. My head began to scream no, no, no. I felt hurt and angry that he thought he could buy me, and I wasn’t sure I was ready for what he wanted. No matter what was said, at the end of the day there was a piece of paper in place that stated he belonged to someone else.

  All of a sudden I realised that I didn’t want to change something that I felt was perfect for me in this very moment.

  ‘Ava?’ he said again.

  I took a deep breath. ‘Hugh, that’s a wonderful gesture, and if I wasn’t the person I am I’m sure I would jump at the idea. I need you to understand that I don’t want to be bought and paid for. I’m not that kind of woman. I don’t need your money and I don’t want it!’

  I could see he was blown away by my reaction, but I couldn’t lie to myself any more than I was capable of lying to him.

  ‘Hugh, it’s not anything you’ve done. What I’m trying to say is that I’m not ready. Like I said last night, I don’t really know how to navigate through this, and I just hope that you can understand where I’m coming from, because I don’t know how else to say it.’ I could sense his frustration with me as he buried his head into his pillow before taking a deep breath.