Confessions of a Millionaire's Mistress Read online

  ‘I understand, Ava, but it doesn’t mean I have to like it. I just can’t stand being so far away from you anymore. It’s really hard to get closer to you when you’re so far away.’

  While his words resonated within me I knew that it was going to be hard for me to let my guard down and accept the fact that he genuinely did just want to get closer to me, with no ulterior motive.

  I leaned over and kissed him. ‘All in good time, I promise. I’m just not ready yet, and someday I hope to explain why.’ He looked at me, clearly confused, but he didn’t push me, just as he had promised.

  Once again we made love slowly and passionately, but it was nothing like what we had shared in the early hours. There was something holding me back this time. I couldn’t put my finger on it but deep down I knew it was important.

  Before I left, he kissed me. As his lips locked with mine I felt the spark return once more, intensifying my already clouded judgement. I breathed in his cologne just to hold on to him a little longer, to remember what it was that I loved about him. I melted into his embrace, making me realise that he was the only solace I had . . . but did I really have him?

  The future was so unclear and I wasn’t sure where I wanted things to go because the ultimate ending was so far out of reach. I didn’t understand why he was still married to her, what she had that I didn’t and why he would want to hold on to something if he wasn’t truly with her anymore. Little did I know that in a few weeks’ time I would find out those very reasons.

  #TwentiethConfession

  #COAMMPlaylist

  ‘Lost Without You’

  Delta Goodrem

  Hugh and I have always had an intense, once-in-a-lifetime connection. The problem was: the closer I got to him the faster I wanted to run. Not because he had done anything wrong but because my head was telling me that there would never be a happily-ever-after for us. I was petrified that I would be left to pick up the pieces of my broken heart, and so my walls always remained half up.

  Two weeks after our conversation I flew into town to see Hugh as well as for a business meeting. I checked into an apartment, and after my meeting with a client I was due to meet Hugh at a hotel for drinks with his friends before moving on to dinner.

  I hadn’t met any of his close friends in the city and I wanted to make a good impression. Of course I had met his friends in my home city, but this felt different. The man we were meeting was one of Hugh’s oldest friends, and the night was very important to him.

  I arranged a car service to take me to the hotel, arriving fifteen minutes earlier than we had planned. When I met Hugh in the lobby warmth enveloped my heart. I watched him stride confidently across the marble floors towards me in his business suit, his white shirt undone at the top, and the way he smiled made me melt.

  He placed his hand on the small of my back and kissed me sweetly on the lips, then led me up the stairs to the bar. I felt so nervous. I was dressed in my body-hugging white cocktail dress, with my black Kardashian Kollection bag dangling from my arm. I couldn’t help fidgeting as we walked towards a man and woman sitting at a table by the bar.

  When we reached the table Hugh pulled out a chair for me and introduced me to his friend, Paul. The woman sitting next to him was Paul’s personal assistant, with whom he had flown into town to attend a major boxing match.

  Paul had ordered me a lychee martini—something I had never had before but quickly grew to love—and a waiter placed it in front of me as soon as I sat down. I watched Hugh and Paul talk for some time—the PA and I struck up a brief conversation before she moved off to make some business calls—and I enjoyed watching the exchange between the two men and seeing how Hugh interacted with those closest to him. Soon Paul turned to me and asked about my work, and we had a laugh to find that we had a lot in common professionally.

  As we chatted, Hugh went to the bathroom, leaving me to talk to Paul on my own. He was a lovely man who didn’t live far from me. It wasn’t long before his assistant returned and he excused himself to go to the bathroom as well. I couldn’t help but wonder if they would meet in the bathroom and exchange notes on me.

  Paul’s assistant was quite dry, making our conversation a bit stilted, and when the men returned ten minutes later it was like a breath of fresh air had entered the conversation and I found myself laughing with them. We had a few more drinks before Paul and his assistant had to head off to a party, which left Hugh and me alone.

  We said our farewells and went to dinner in the hotel restaurant, where we shared a wonderful meal. I think Hugh also enjoyed the special treatment I gave him under the table, and as I wound him up I could feel the desire burning from his flesh radiating in my direction as he grabbed my hand and squeezed it.

  After three hours of dinner and drinks we decided to call it a night and head back to my apartment. We walked downstairs, both excited at what was to come; neither of us could wait any longer to tear each other’s clothes off. As we were about to climb into a cab I heard someone calling out Hugh’s name . . . Paul was back.

  Reluctantly we agreed to join Paul for another drink, and a few minutes after we sat back at the bar, the men went to the bathroom again. I found it a little odd that they both went to the bathroom together, but what could I really say?

  As the night wore on, Paul gave me his card and asked if we could talk when we were both in town about the possibility of doing some work together. I smiled and thanked him, while Hugh shot daggers at me.

  As we left I felt that the night had been a huge success. I had made a fantastic impression on his friend and I thought this would make Hugh endlessly happy, but in the cab on the way back to my apartment his demeanour changed completely and I was confused as to why. We sat in silence, the passion and desire we felt earlier dissipating, replaced by an icy chill.

  I pulled out my phone and began to text a friend when Hugh spat out his frustration.

  ‘Are you texting your new best friend Paul?!’

  I immediately stopped what I was doing and looked at him, confused and a little hurt. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me closer to him with uncharacteristic force.

  ‘Don’t get involved with him,’ he said with a look that told me he was serious.

  I tried to pull my wrist away but he held on tighter. I looked at him pleadingly and then looked down at my wrist as tears began to form in my eyes from the pain.

  ‘I’m sorry, Ava. There are just some things that you don’t need to know about,’ he said, releasing me from his grip.

  ‘What do you mean?’ I replied carefully as I rubbed my wrist.

  ‘It’s nothing,’ he replied. I didn’t want to pry but my curiosity was eating at me.

  We both fell silent as my mind went into overdrive. There were so many secrets between us. I didn’t know how to even begin to ask him any of the questions that were playing in my mind.

  My heart ached a little more than usual that night as I lay in his arms after we made love. I wasn’t really there; my thoughts were a million miles away. I loved this man with everything I had, but I was so confused. I wanted to curl into a ball away from him to clear my head. As I battled my unasked questions—What was he hiding from me? Why the need for so many secrets? Didn’t he trust me?—every other little concern I had built up began to pop into my head.

  I hated keeping secrets from the people who meant the most to me, and to know that he was keeping them from me made me question how much I was willing to be kept in the dark for. I hadn’t voiced my concerns, but it became irrelevant: if he didn’t want to share this with me then what else was he holding back, and why couldn’t he just tell me?

  It made me question what it would take to make me walk away if and when I needed to. There was so much I didn’t know about him—but I was determined to find out.

  #Twenty-firstConfession

  #COAMMPlaylist

  ‘Take My Breath Away’

  Jessica Simpson

  After that weekend with Hugh, I started to feel like I was l
osing myself in the relationship. I really didn’t know what we were. I have always had the understanding that there are several types of relationships: friends-with-benefits, exclusive relationship, engaged and married. The problem was, I couldn’t fit what we had into just one category. We were more than just friends-with-benefits but we weren’t quite in the exclusive-relationship category, so where did that leave us?

  I found myself constantly thinking about this over the few weeks we were apart. Nothing had really changed with him. He was the same loving person, the warm and gentle soul I had fallen in love with. I was wildly attracted to him and my feelings hadn’t dulled but I knew that something wasn’t right. I just couldn’t put my finger on it.

  I sat in the back of a blacked-out town car on the way to see Hugh at his hotel. He was here for business, and I was aching to be with him. I needed to see that he was still the man—the innocent, pure-hearted person—I had fallen in love with in what felt like such a short period of time. I knew deep in my heart that he was the one, and that I would find it excruciating to live without him.

  As I arrived at the hotel I couldn’t stop my palms from sweating. My feet were glittering in my crystal-encrusted heels, and I placed one strategically on the ground and took the hand of the waiting attendant, who smiled as he greeted me.

  ‘Bonjour, Madame.’

  I stepped out of the car in one swift motion, smoothing down my black tights and white silk top before taking the first few steps forward. I slung my handbag over my right arm, adjusted my sunglasses and fluffed my hair, confident that I looked immaculate.

  As I began to walk through the glass doors I was greeted by the waiting bell boys and walked across the marble floor, anxious for what the night ahead held for me. I looked up at the beautiful ceiling of one of the most luxurious hotels I had ever been in and saw the golden chandelier sparkling above me.

  I took out my phone and made my way with outward confidence towards the reception desk, praying that the manager would not be made aware of my presence at this hotel again. With all of the confusion going on in my head I wasn’t sure that I would be able to handle being called Mrs Montgomery again. I sent Hugh a message telling him that I had arrived. Before I could move to sit near the elevators—I wanted to avoid being noticed by the staff and other guests—a message beeped on my phone.

  I know, you look incredible, baby. x

  I spun around and in an instant I found him at the bar. He began to glide in my direction down three marble steps and I stood drinking him in, too stunned to move.

  It wasn’t that he was the most attractive man I had ever seen, but the way he moved with an air of confidence—this time in a pair of Calvin Klein jeans and a crisp white business shirt—always left me with my mouth gaping wide open. Not once did he break the gaze he locked with mine. When he reached me, he yanked me towards him with passion in his grip. As I waited with bated breath for him to kiss me I inhaled his cologne and felt myself go weak at the knees. The only support I had was his arm around me. He took my breath away with his kiss, and once again I felt consumed by the desire, the passion and the overwhelming love that I felt for this man. Every concern that I had ever had about him washed away; I loved him with every fibre of my being, and it didn’t matter what he did as long as he made me feel this way and I knew he felt the same. Nothing was going to break our bond . . . this was unconditional love.

  Up in the suite I unpacked my overnight bag and then we headed back downstairs for dinner. After dessert we retired to the lounge with a few bottles of wine, where we struck up a conversation with a woman sitting on her own. Hugh knew that I sometimes felt jealous but with this woman I felt completely fine. When Hugh went to the bathroom she turned to me.

  ‘You love him . . . the look in your eyes says it all. The way he speaks to you is beautiful—if you have someone who treats you like that . . . never let him go.’ I almost fell off my chair. I was blind drunk after three bottles of wine, and this woman could see straightaway what I had been trying to find out myself, yet I still couldn’t believe what she had said.

  ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ I said sheepishly.

  ‘Yes you do, it’s written all over your face,’ she said confidently.

  I was worried she was going to say something to Hugh, so I changed the topic quickly before he returned.

  Hugh and I finally said goodnight and as we walked to the elevator I found it very hard to move on my own. I had only been that drunk twice in my life. With Hugh it was hard to let my inhibitions go and just relax, so alcohol was something that allowed me to breathe easily.

  When we returned to the suite I felt my body craving him. Before the door even clicked shut Hugh pushed me up against the wall, his hands exploring my body and sending a shiver of delight right through me as his lips touched my neck. He began to nibble on my collarbone and I felt myself becoming excited at his touch. He placed his hands around my waist and pushed himself against me. I began to moan, knowing that I needed to feel him inside me, I needed to feel his hands on my naked flesh; I wanted him so much it began to hurt.

  He lowered his head into the crook of my neck and whispered: ‘Ava . . . I love you. Please tell me you love me too.’ I sensed that there was more he needed to say but in my drunken haze I knew it wasn’t going to end well. I instantly began to feel the room spin around me as the alcohol took its toll.

  I ran to the bathroom and slammed the door shut before vomiting violently. In my drunken haze I heard him banging on the door, begging me to let him in. Finally he managed to open the door, and I felt his cool hands on the back of my neck as he held my hair back. I felt humiliated. I knew that we would need to talk but I really couldn’t have him near me at that moment. I knew that I was vomiting mainly because of the alcohol but it was also due to his confession. This was going to be a long night. I had so much to say and I wasn’t sure how Hugh was going to handle it. Was he truly ready? More importantly, was I?

  #Twenty-secondConfession

  #COAMMPlaylist

  ‘Hate That I Love You’

  Rihanna feat. Ne-Yo

  Despite what people think, my life with Hugh was not always champagne and roses. I put myself through a lot of emotional torture for no other reason than the fact that I loved the man. In the times when I was unsure how much longer I could cope with things as they were I listened to songs that suited my mood at that moment to help me through the pain. It was when my playlist changed to something promising that all of a sudden I felt myself falling again. I found myself realising that it isn’t very often you find a love that is all-consuming and someone who makes you feel safe—and that was why I always eventually picked up my phone and responded to his messages or sent one to sort things out, once again throwing myself back into the very situation I desperately wanted to escape.

  After being sick that night I still couldn’t manage to bring up what I needed to tell him. I appreciated that, despite the fact we both had so much to say to one another, he always seemed to care more about whether I was okay. Whenever I had drunk too much and was sick he always tucked me up in bed and rubbed my forehead with his thumb.

  We had made love in the middle of the previous night and it was as perfect as ever but there was something dry in the air between us. He was waiting for a response and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to give it to him any time soon. I needed to breathe, walk away, think rationally and then come back and figure it out with him. I wasn’t sure how I was going to talk to him or what the reaction would be, but I knew that if I didn’t tell him the truth, I was going to end up bursting.

  The confusion I felt when I was with Hugh was out of character for me. I have always been assertive and strong willed, but with Hugh I felt that he had helped me to break through so many of my barriers that nothing made sense anymore. I couldn’t imagine my life without him, but I couldn’t imagine what my life would be like with him, either. I was so confused, because for once in my life I felt like I was in a place that
wasn’t always happy and wasn’t always sad, but it was a safe place in which my heart could mend. I trusted Hugh’s word that he would never push me further than I was ready to go, and even that trust was confusing. It had been a long time since I’d trusted in any man, so what was it about him that made this situation different?

  When I left the next morning I found myself aching inside. I didn’t want to leave him again but I wasn’t ready for anything more permanent. I didn’t know how much longer he would accept my silence but for now he had to.

  I had a pretty normal life when we parted ways. I have family and friends whom I love and adore, I have a hectic, rewarding career that keeps me busy—and at times that’s exactly what I need.

  A week after seeing Hugh, my best friend came over from Europe. Maria was one of the strongest support networks in my life. Even though we had worked together for five years—from different sides of the world—this was the first time we were going to meet face to face. She knew the deepest, darkest secrets in the dustiest corners of my soul and loved me all the same.

  The day she landed at the airport I was a mess, still thinking about Hugh and what I was going to do. I really needed to see her; if there was ever anyone who could see my heart and accept me for everything that I am and everything that I will be, it’s Maria.

  As I arrived at the airport I was so nervous I wanted to cry. I was excited to finally meet her after all these years and yet something in my heart was making me want to cry, and I couldn’t figure out what it was.

  After standing at the arrivals gate for more than an hour I saw a short, tanned, dark-haired European princess walk out. I screamed and ran over to her and scooped her up in a huge embrace. I burst into tears, partly because of how happy I felt to see her but also because I knew she would eventually leave.